I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The uberlube is also flammable
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
