How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
