i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want to make out with him forever
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
