I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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