I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
