Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize