Moan for me like Helen Keller
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
high people should be assigned attendants
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
