We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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