I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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