Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
