why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
