My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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