Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
