your thong is hanging out like whoa
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
