No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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