You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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