i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
