It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
