Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
