wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
