No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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