we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
