meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
