Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All the doctor said was why
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
