it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
