i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
