Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't turn off my feet"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
