I love black thongs
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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