I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
