May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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