No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
