you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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