my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
