Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
