What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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