after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
