is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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