please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
