its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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