I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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