Nicole vs. Life
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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