i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
