Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
