if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
