I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
