She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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