ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
