I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I looked at my own cervix.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
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Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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