So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
These tits shall not be calmed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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