nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
