I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
