I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
