Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
