Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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