Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
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Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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