Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
