i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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