So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
