Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
