East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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