O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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