i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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