I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
