i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
