I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
