you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I cut my penus on the lid.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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