Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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