hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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