just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
