She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
